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Why Encanto is the best thing for therapists since Inside Out

Roya Dedeaux

So there's one moment in Encanto that stands out to me and NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT.

I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist who has now watched Encanto three times a day for.... a long time. It's genius on SO MANY LEVELS. The family dynamics, mental health issues/coping skills thinly disguised as special powers, the commentary on immigration and multi-generational trauma response...

Not to mention - we all love the music!!! I can't tell you how many memes I've seen from people identifying with how much pressure Luisa's under, or living with the expectations of a family like Isabella. But there is one moment that no one seems to be talking about that is SO POIGNANT from this therapist's perspective!

It's the moment where Mirabel’s dad walks in to see her glowing green vision from Bruno. They freeze. AND HE IMMEDIATELY TRIES TO COVER IT UP.

This. This moment. This moment is the crucial moment in so many families.

The cover-up-with-kindness from someone who loves you. As a therapist, I have held the pain of so many women who struggled to understand why the parents who loved them, the sisters who loved them, the family that loved them, wouldn’t say something or do something when they found out about abuse or a trauma within a family.

Why would someone who loves you try to cover up the truth?

When something is so painful for my client, how can their loving family member think that sweeping it under the rug is helpful?

Because they benefit from the system - even if they don't realize it.

Mirabel's dad, Agustin, shows up on film multiple times with bee stings making his hands and face swollen. His wife, Juliete, heals him with her food. This is a ridiculously spot-on example of a dynamic where he benefits from the family system.

The family system is the one where they get gifts and use it to help others. He is clumsy and requires healing - a lot. Her gift is to heal with cooking. It's in his favor to "keep the miracle burning." It isn't malicious, but it is insidious.

If the vision Mirabel uncovers somehow shatters the system... he comes tumbling down with it. Better to keep the status quo. Better to keep everything in place. Better to quiet her - it's better for her anyway. It will keep her from being a target, from shame or embarrassment... it's easy to justify it as a loving move.

But big picture? Covering up something your kid is telling you is important? Not helpful, not healthy. It sends an incredibly powerful message: you are not valuable. You are not worth standing up for. We are willing to sacrifice you for the appearance/outward health of this family system.

 

I'm licensed narrative therapist Roya Dedeaux, and it brings me great joy to watch a ton of TV and talk about how it represents our lives with my clients. If you want more about the brilliance of Encanto, check out the webinar below!

 



Roya Dedeaux LMFT

Roya Dedeaux is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a focus on using creative tools like art, writing, and recreation as a way to help teens and their families who don't quite fit the mold.


Roya’s first book, Connect with Courage: practical ways to release fear and find joy in the places your kids take you is the result of her background in Recreation and Leisure Studies and Marriage and Family Therapy and is the base of her Connect with Courage Parenting Course


She loves running her private practice, creating art prompts for her
two online art groups, and running games and challenges in the free Recreate Parenting Facebook community! When she's not doing that, she loves to make messes with her three wild & wonderful kids where they live and play hard in Southern California.

Connect With Courage

By Roya Dedeaux 09 Mar, 2024
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By Roya Dedeaux 15 Jan, 2024
A Parent Wrote... "My 6 year old son tries to turn consequences into pity parties for himself and I’m so torn on what to do. He’s an only child, but very close with his (younger) cousins. They’re at our home a lot, they’re more like siblings. They typically play together quite well, but… My son has always had a hard time keeping his hands to himself, sometimes really bad stuff like punching, hair pulling or pinching. When he gets physical with one of his cousins (usually play related disputes) we take the cousin away from the game and say “we won’t let you hurt your cousin”. He then proceeds to get really upset, cry, scream, etc.. and then immediately goes into “I need a hug! I need a hug!”. Now, I understand that he’s upset and is looking for help regulating, but I’m soothing/caring for the “hurt” friend at that point. His consequence is that we have left the game/his general area because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself, and he now wants me to comfort/snuggle him through his consequence (defeating the consequence all together). While a big part of me wants to sit with him and comfort him, it really feels like manipulation, too. It feels like he doesn’t want to be in trouble and that he wants to make the situation all about him. I feel like he shouldn’t get to hurt someone and then get a hug. Any thoughts?" In this podcast episode, I break down the divisive language this parent is using to talk about her son - and discuss what they can do differently for less hitting and kicking! Welcome to Season 2 episode 3 of the Recreate Parenting Podcast. Six year old manipulating mama?
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