4 Reasons Why Our Kids Want to Collect All The Things - and when it starts to become a problem
SPACE. It's a coveted resource in my house. It's also a top reason parents tell me that they struggle with supporting their kid's interests -- there just isn't ROOM for the supplies/toys/equipment/whatever that goes with it!
Some of your kids might even be what I lovingly refer to as Curators -- those are the kids who make your limited resource of space a special challenge - because they want to collect everything! I remember the day my mom told me that I would have to carry my own shiny rocks... it was at Girl Scout Camp and it was a formative moment! Hah!
The stuff can clutter our house, and get so frustrating - especially when it seems like they don't even play with it. It's one thing if they were using the supplies constantly - but some of our kids seem to like the idea of the stuff more than using or playing with it.
This can definitely cause some concern for parents - who are worried that the desire to hold onto things signifies an underlying anxiety or fear.
Most parents can rest easy and focus on helping your kids collect happily. Here are...
4 Reasons Why Your Kid Might Collect Stuff
1. They're curators! They enjoy the organization and display of collections!
This is a skill! There are higher level degrees in how to curate a collection. It's a well-respected ability. It takes observation, awareness, and attention to detail. Parents - you can help by creating a space that really honors the collection! Maybe a display case, or a special shelf, or better lighting.
2. They enjoy having the expertise, knowledge, and ability to categorize and re-categorize.
There's something so fun about having enough of a collection to be able to sort and re-sort it! This ties in with a love of seeing and recognizing patterns, and again speaks to intelligence and awareness. It takes dedication and investment to understand nuances about their collection in order to sort into different configurations! Parents - you can help by listening to the same information on repeat and asking questions that ask them to dive even deeper.
3. There's security, pride, and accomplishment in having a complete set!
The sense of completion that happens when you "catch 'em all" is so great! This feeling of mastery is not always easy to come by for a lot of kids. This creates the foundation for healthy neurotransmitters and actually makes it easier for kids to build their confidence and self-esteem in other areas! Parents - you can help by naming the strengths it took to build their collection, such as dedication, perseverance, and commitment.
4. Stuff is fun. It's okay to like stuff.
Just because minimalism is a trend, and just because you want to give away your possessions does not mean that everyone else needs to. Stuff can be great. Stuff = cool stories, neat reminders, fun textures, homey spaces. I take great pride in my stuff - it shows my personality, it's interesting to see what changes and what stays the same over time. It reminds me of people and places I love. Collections are interesting. There's nothing morally superior about wanting less.
When should I worry that my kid is collecting too much?
Why are they collecting so much? Is this a red flag? Are my children becoming hoarders? Are they collecting things because they are anxious or unable to let things go? When should I worry?
So mostly - kids collect for the reasons I listed above, and the only real issue is when parents don't help them achieve those collections. Every once in a while, however - I do run across a situation where the collection is indicative of a deeper issue. Here are questions to ask that will give you insight.
- How does it feel if you can't keep something?
- How do you feel if something happens to one of your things?
- How much time do you spend worrying about your collection?
Pay attention to if they are expressing anxiety in other ways, or communicating a feeling of being out of control or helpless.
If those pieces come into play, take a look at my upcoming 10 week parenting course. It's called Connect with Courage - and the goal is to help you support your kid through their interest for better mental health, relationships, and overall well-being for you all!
Roya Dedeaux is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a focus on using creative tools like art, writing, and recreation as a way to help teens and their families who don't quite fit the mold.
Roya’s first book, Connect with Courage: practical ways to release fear and find joy in the places your kids take you is the result of her background in Recreation and Leisure Studies and Marriage and Family Therapy and is the base of her Connect with Courage Parenting Course.
She loves running her private practice, creating art prompts for her
two online art groups, and running games and challenges in the
free Recreate Parenting Facebook community! When she's not doing that, she loves to make messes with her three wild & wonderful kids where they live and play hard in Southern California.
Connect With Courage
